Monday, December 2, 2013

Tourney Friendly Unit Shifter

Dear Sportfechter of Englishdom:

Let it not be said that I ever discouraged you from your chosen pursuit for lack of relevant advice, that I did not help you in your dire need.

Accordingly, unto you do I convey knowledge of sword-fighting tourney-rules designed by the knowledgeable German fellows of Gladiatores-München.

Evidently, many of you could use such, given the tales of nonexistent/improvised rules for gatherings; the questionable practice of event organisers adjudicating the bouts of their own taught fencers; and the openly expressed desire for definite rule-sets by various fencers at InterWeb forums.

Thus said, here is a nice set of rules, auf Deutsch, in PDF form, for you to consider and enjoy and utilise:

Again, so sorry, that everything is not in sixth-grade level English for you to devour like super-sized drive-thru fast-food.  It seems our Teutonic friends insist, quite presumptuously of course, that they publish their rules in German, just like their historical primary-source fight-books; which almost nobody actually bothers to read, or at least, to take seriously.  Those crazy Germans!  Really, what did those old-timey Fechtmeister know about earnest fighting anyway?

And such an odd sense of what makes for appealing home-page pictures:  No fat bearded American-Civil-War-general-looking men pictured there; but rather, clean-cut athletic-looking men, and moreover, one awesomely beautiful blonde woman.  Those crazy Germans!  Yet again they simply prove to be incorrigible iconoclasts.

And of course, I mention all that stuff about image and fashion and perception and celebrity and popularity since that is what really counts in this our superior cyber-age, dominated and dedicated to the all-important "social media" - you know, like FakeBook, etc. - rather than mention any rules themselves.

Oh, what the hell!  How about I mention just a couple rules, just for fun?  How about these, listed under Verboten (Forbidden), to quote:

Unkontrolliert harte bzw. brutale Hiebe / Angriffe mit voller Wucht! Solche Hiebe sehen wir als Fahrlässigkeit oder Vorsatz einen Kampfgegner real verletzen zu wollen...Angriffe nach einem eindeutigem Abpfeifen / „Stopp“ oder auf dem am Boden liegenden Gegner.

Guess they just do not like those spiteful "after-blows" meant to punish and hurt ones adversary when one has lost an exchange.  Those crazy Germans!  They can be such sportsmanly spoil-sports.

And besides, everybody knows that in a real sword-fight a beheaded man can still somehow keep dangerously attacking you like maniacal undead for another three (3) minutes or so after you have, indeed, beheaded him.  So keep doing those after-blows!  Do not do otherwise!  Your personal safety - plus the reputations of your academy and family and nation - depend upon it!

Well, it seems you Smurfs have enough material to study for now.  Go enjoy your time with it at Google-Translate or Bing Translator or wherever else you like to get your untrustworthy autogenerated translations.  And for by all means, avoid the arachnid-worshipers!  Aaarrrgh!  ~ JH

Added bonus : An oddly relevant music-video for you to enjoy!